Glitz and glam and wonder and excitement and independence!

Today is Monday! But before it, came Sunday. And no, this isn’t the backwards version of Rebecca Black’s infamous song. My point is, I like to relax on Sundays and enjoy my alone time. It has become a ritual of sorts, to the point where I will hole myself up in my room and not talk to anyone face to face for most of the day.

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Yesterday, I had a great conversation via instant messenger (yes, I still use it) with a friend of mine during this downtime. I was in my room holed up alone, with nothing but my thoughts and my heavy metal Spotify radio station searing in the background. I began to discuss where I was a year ago with this friend. And I realized, I’ve been in the same exact spot for two years in a row.

This time last year, I was on a temporary split from my now ex-boyfriend. And when the New Year came along, I told myself that I was fine and I put on a brave face, only to lose it all in a frenzy of tears in the bathroom. The ball had dropped and I looked around and realized everyone had someone, except for me.

This year, I’m in the same place but I’m not in the same state. I am now permanently split from said ex, but I’m not regretting it this time. I’m not hung up on what ifs and what could bes, and I’m not depressed that I am alone.

Because as I said, every Sunday, I enjoy and relish in my alone time.

This epiphany made me want to look forward to the New Year. This year, I can already tell that I’m in a much different mindset. It’s so easy to pretend to be happy, but it’s not easy to lie to yourself. That’s why a mere facade will wash away as quick as a leaf in a river. 

This year there is no facade. I want to focus on New Years with the appropriate enthusiasm of a 20-something year old with so much ahead of her. My friends and I are even planning to throw a party, and the mere thought of it brings a wild inspiration to my heart.

An inspiration I never would have felt last year. And yet, last year I was in the same place.

It’s amazing what your mindset can do to a situation. I can use my emotions to drown out my future endeavors and focus on the negative, or I can use them to create my own inspirational visions.

I choose the visionary route. And what a better way to kick off 2014 than by crossing something off of my 30 before 30 list:

21. Throw a fabulous party!

 

Keep checking back for updates on this party. It’s going to be glitz and glam and wonder and excitement and independence — all of the feelings that I was missing out on last year.

I won’t be missing them this year.

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