Today is Monday! But before it, came Sunday. And no, this isn’t the backwards version of Rebecca Black’s infamous song. My point is, I like to relax on Sundays and enjoy my alone time. It has become a ritual of sorts, to the point where I will hole myself up in my room and not talk to anyone face to face for most of the day.
Yesterday, I had a great conversation via instant messenger (yes, I still use it) with a friend of mine during this downtime. I was in my room holed up alone, with nothing but my thoughts and my heavy metal Spotify radio station searing in the background. I began to discuss where I was a year ago with this friend. And I realized, I’ve been in the same exact spot for two years in a row.
This time last year, I was on a temporary split from my now ex-boyfriend. And when the New Year came along, I told myself that I was fine and I put on a brave face, only to lose it all in a frenzy of tears in the bathroom. The ball had dropped and I looked around and realized everyone had someone, except for me.
This year, I’m in the same place but I’m not in the same state. I am now permanently split from said ex, but I’m not regretting it this time. I’m not hung up on what ifs and what could bes, and I’m not depressed that I am alone.
Because as I said, every Sunday, I enjoy and relish in my alone time.
This epiphany made me want to look forward to the New Year. This year, I can already tell that I’m in a much different mindset. It’s so easy to pretend to be happy, but it’s not easy to lie to yourself. That’s why a mere facade will wash away as quick as a leaf in a river.
This year there is no facade. I want to focus on New Years with the appropriate enthusiasm of a 20-something year old with so much ahead of her. My friends and I are even planning to throw a party, and the mere thought of it brings a wild inspiration to my heart.
An inspiration I never would have felt last year. And yet, last year I was in the same place.
It’s amazing what your mindset can do to a situation. I can use my emotions to drown out my future endeavors and focus on the negative, or I can use them to create my own inspirational visions.
I choose the visionary route. And what a better way to kick off 2014 than by crossing something off of my 30 before 30 list:
21. Throw a fabulous party!
Keep checking back for updates on this party. It’s going to be glitz and glam and wonder and excitement and independence — all of the feelings that I was missing out on last year.
I won’t be missing them this year.