I feel a bit chagrin right now. I found the Twitter profile of the girl that my ex left me for. I decided to do what everyone does on the internet and poke around a little. Or at least, I am telling myself that everyone does this, because I obviously could not fight the urge. I was curious to know how this girl felt around the time that my ex left me for her.
I found out she called me a ‘Stalker’ because I went to the same event that my ex had attended. The funny part is — the event was hosted by my friends. She also boasted about how she wanted to punch me so badly, despite the fact that I’ve never even spoken to her before. She spent a few more characters in her Twitter world talking about me, ironically telling the Internet that I should ‘get a life’ and ‘learn to take a clue’. Ironic because she was spending so much of her life hung up on a girl who didn’t even look in her direction that night. Someone she had never even said “Hello” to.
I didn’t do anything else except close the browser and learn my lesson: to not spend time worrying about what other people think or say about you. Especially if that person is supporting and dating someone who constantly lied to you and treated you like crap. To constantly surround myself with unhealthy people would be happiness suicide, and I realized that maybe that’s why my ex was with her now. They both seemed to be hung up on the negative in life. They both have violent tendencies. They both let in hate before they let in love.
I’ll admit, I wanted to give her a few choice words. I wished I could tell her, to her face, “You know what’s fun? Sloppy seconds. Have fun, bitch!” But of course, I didn’t say anything. What would be the point? I would look like those girls on Instagram who are constantly posting pictures and quotes about “killing hoes” or other slogans they derived from hip hop songs about how all girls want to steal their man. Any response would come off as self-centered and conceited on my part, especially since I am no longer with the guy in the middle of all of this. Basically…saying anything in retaliation to such pettiness would only make me just as petty.
I’m only human, so saying that these kind of things don’t hurt me would be a bold-faced lie. But do I need to let it ruin my day or even the next five minutes of my life? I don’t think so! Sometimes, girl friends will make you feel better by saying, “Well, you’re prettier than her” or “You’re way smarter than her.” But you know what’s truly important? I have a bigger heart than she does.
I let in love before I let in hate.
Violence and calling people names is beneath me, even for people I don’t like. An argument was rarely won by slinging around insults, and a point was rarely made with dirty name calling. The only thing I can do in this life is stay true to myself, and doing that has made me feel so much better than any vindictive, jealous, or downright petty comment ever could.
It also made me realize something very important. When I split from my ex, I decided not to love for awhile. I decided that love was too difficult and not worth the risk of enduring a broken heart. I was told by friends and family that my big heart can be a blessing but also a weakness if I let others take advantage of it. I vowed to think twice before using my heart to love others.
And while I do agree with them in some context, I also see my big heart in a different light now. I see the other end of the spectrum: dark and full of hate for people that one doesn’t even know. And I realize I’m different, because I let that love in.
So I need to continue to do that. I need to stay true to myself. I need to remind myself that a broken heart does not change who I am. I don’t want to be a bitter girl hurling insults because I’m afraid or jealous of others. I don’t want to let hate in. I always want to let love in.